I've just returned from an extended weekend away visiting my mother, and wanted to touch upon the relationship we have, the cost of visiting her, the psycology of our spending and all the added expenses.
I was raised as an only child, in a single parent household, and I always feel that I should cover all the costs when I'm visiting my mother. I try to pay for everything, from the travel expenses, to our dinners out, shopping trips, coffee runs and groceries. Part of it is that its my way of saying thank you for all the things you sacrificed to raise me. Another part of it is knowing my mom doesn't make alot of money, lives paycheck to paycheck, and is still struggling. She is very open with her finances, and we've analyzed her income and budgeting, and have determined that she has to find a way to increase her income. But in the meantime, I tend to take financial responsability to cover our time together.
Even with restricted budgets, when we are visiting, we have a habit of enjoying in events together that blow both our budgets. Although individually we are both financially aware and practice good financial discipline, when we are visiting together, all logic goes out the window. It's almost as if we encourage bad decisions. I've never taken the time to actually calculate how much I spend in one weekend visiting, so here is my chance at honesty.
Travel: $220.00
Eating Out: $36.00
Grocery: $18.00
Gift: $43.00
Financially speaking, this visit was better than most. Minus the travel expenses, I spent about $100.00 for the weekend. I know that this total is better than most other visits, as all dinners over the weekend were cooked at home. This was our attempt at a frugal weekend. For us, this is not the norm. However, I have to admit it was a nice change.
I do feel like it is my responsibility to help out where my mom's finances fall short. I don't mind giving (not lending) money to help her out, especially when I know that typically she does live a very frugal life. I also like to give her gifts that she wouldn't buy for herself because they are too expensive, but I know she really wants. She struggled so much in her life, and I like knowing I can provide her enjoyment or make her life a little easier. But, is there ever a point where a line should be drawn to say it's not my responsibility? Are my actions hurting her in the long run? How do I help my mother increase her income so I don't feel like its my responsibility to cover her expenses?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
If you're covering your mom's living expenses or debts, then yes, there's a problem. But if your contributions are entirely treats and gifts, then the problem isn't financial - it's a self-imposed sense of obligation, and that's an emotional issue.
My mom is now financially healthier than she was a few years ago, and now I'm learning how to handle her pride. It's not that difficult...we usually go to dinner and brunch, and I pick up the bills while she picks up the tips. She always tries to pay, but then I remind her that she picked up sale items like coffee and salsa for me, and hooks me up with free chiropractic worth a whole lot more than a couple of restaurant meals. And occasionally I do let her get the whole check (but I make sure it's a small one).
Post a Comment